Now we’re kicking it across the state of Alabama.

These are our core wishes:

1. Immediate statewide ban on all sock sales south of the Tennessee River.

2. Declare “No-Sock November” through “Spooky Sockless October” (we’re working on the calendar).

3. Tax credits for every documented case of “sock burn” (ceremonial bonfire of unwanted socks).

4. Public schools must teach “Foot Toughening” instead of algebra ... because who needs math when you’ve got calluses thick enough to walk across hot coals at the Mullet Toss?

5. $3000 Fine must be levied against pet owners who do not pick up their animals excrement…payable to the person who stepped in it.